The Family FUNdamentals BLOG/Work/Identifying The Trap The World Put Us In and (Why It’s Not Our Fault). . . Part 1 of 3

Identifying The Trap The World Put Us In and (Why It’s Not Our Fault). . . Part 1 of 3

Saturday, October 22, 2022

The Trap

We’ve been trained from the start to be good employees. . .

Think about that for a moment.

Not to be wealthy, or successful or to have an original thought.

Just to show up for 8 hours, do our job well, and draw a paycheck.

How do I know this?

Just look at the systems we were trained in:


As we all know, the educational system is designed to create great employees.

This works well to give the masses a baseline of skills.

But, leaders or creative visionaries (think Walt Disney or Albert Einstein) often struggle because there is not a whole lot of room to do things “outside the box.”

If your real gifts lie in motivational speaking, helping those in need, acting, art, music, etc. you had to have uncanny luck to have been successful in school.

As long as you keep status quo and don’t make waves, you get through.

Whether you are top of your class or a “C” student, your success depends on your ability to do it they way your instructor or “boss” wants it done.

Stick to the system, there’s only one right answer, True or False, right and wrong.

You may even be looked down on if you are an overachiever.

You may also just be bored with the system and day dream or not even turn in projects because you feel your creativity is stifled.

As we rise through the system, we quickly realize that only those who are at the top are going to get into college.

Then only the best of the best in college make it to Law School or Medical School and only the best of those get the best jobs.

See the pattern here?

What about those who are second, twenty second or two hundred and twenty second?

We become employees, deemed not good enough to lead, but good enough to give our lives building somebody else's dream.

There is no room for everyone to be at the top when there is only one Valedictorian.

If not everyone can be at the top, that leaves the majority feeling like they can’t win.



No where is this made more clear to us than in the field of athletics.

Whether it’s Football, Baseball, Basketball, or Golf, there is only 1 winner and everybody else loses.

Not only do they lose, but the losers aren’t even remembered or honored.

Just ask anyone who’s lost a Superbowl.

Tryouts, Games, Play-offs, Tournaments are all designed to do one thing, figure out who’s the best of the best.

No one else makes it.

No one else matters.

Life quickly becomes a zero sum game.

"If you're not the winner, you're a loser."

So what’s the answer here?

Everyone gets a participation trophy?


In life there are winners and losers.

That’s a fact no one can deny.

The problem is when we see ourselves as a failure because we lost a game, made a mistake, get fired or lose the big contract at work.



Ever been passed over for a promotion you deserved?

Ever lost a bid for a contract to a lower quality competitor?

Ever wanted to do more for your company but had your work gone unnoticed, unappreciated, or even punished by your fellow employees?

If so, you know the feeling of having more to give and being unable to use your gifts, skills and talents.

Not many things are more soul crushing than that.

In the business world, it’s not just about being the best, it’s also about having to fit into the pigeonhole the “boss” needs filled.

You might have the best skills, but if someone with the right gender, personality, race or relation is available, you might get passed over even when you’re the “best.”

What if you’re not even the best?

Soon we’re caught in a world of frustration, fear and doubt.

It’s like taking a test you can’t study for and your life, family, and job depend on you getting 100%.

It can feel like there is no way to win.


Are you seeing the trap yet?

When we only have 1 winner and everyone else loses, THE WINNERS GET ALL THE SLAVES THEY NEED TO BUILD THEIR DREAMS

That means almost every single one of us is walking around feeling like we aren’t good enough and don’t get to use our gifts to make a change in the world.

Let’s face it if you aren’t already at the top you’re just helping make someone else rich.

It’s not our fault, we were trained that way from a very young age and we didn’t even know it was happening.

It just seemed like that’s the way the world worked, didn’t it?

We saw our parents, grandparents, friends and mentors play the game that way.

They seemed happy on the outside, but when we really stop and think about it, were they happy?

Did they drink, smoke, have affairs, use pornography, do drugs, live in frustration?

You saw it in their eyes, too.

They were trying their best but they felt unfulfilled, worn out, and used up.

Just like you?

We’ve been taught our whole life that if we’re not at the top, the only road to success is put your head down, work hard and make it to retirement someday.

Is working 30-40 years of your life away to life on a retirement income when you’re too old and used up to enjoy it really a success?

Not in my book!


But what if you did finally get to the top?

Look at almost any celebrity, politician or executive and you’ll see someone with the exact same problem.

They’ve achieved everything the world told them to and have the fortune and fame to match.

Now they should have the happiness,they should be the ones who we look up to for happiness.

For most people at the “top” though that "happiness" remains a mystery.

Sure they have achievements to hang their hat on, but if you look closely, underneath the mask, they show the same frustrations, fears, and sadness as everyone else.

American Actor Jim Carrey has been at the top like few of us can even imagine.

Here’s what he had to say about the top,

“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer.”


If a life of happiness doesn’t come from getting to the top, being rich, getting elected, or winning the big game, then what?

Should we all just stop trying, binge watch Netflix and live free with the flowers?

I think we all know that won’t really make us happy either.

It might be fun for a while, but eventually we realize it’s the path to loneliness and depression and instead of escaping from our problems it soon feels a lot like just giving up.

As Henry David Thoreau said, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, what is called resignation is confirmed desperation.”

For most of us, when we’ve lost too many battles, or reached the top and found it empty, we settle resign ourselves that we just aren’t meant to be happy, we’re just unlucky in that department and it’s not for us to have.

If you’ve ever reached that point and felt that way, you know that the feeling that lies just below that is pure desperation.

We want more than anything to dig our way out of the pit but we’ve used up all the advice, training and examples we have.

It feels like there is no way out, no way to win, no point in trying any more.

If you are feeling this way, you are not alone.

REMEMBER, the mass of humanity on the planet is made up of people who didn’t win, weren’t the best, fell from the top and feel like they’ve lost.

That’s right, you’re in the majority.

The majority of people who followed the rules, played the game and got kicked in the teeth and left in the dust.

My question for you is:

Are you ready to know MORE than what the world taught you?

Look for my next post titled:

"What keeps us from actually living the life and achieving the happiness we dream about?"

and I'll share some secrets with you that could radically change your life.

Until then.

God bless and keep your head up.

Our best days are definitely still ahead of us!

Much Love,

Big Jon Gunzel

Jon Gunzel and Trina Gunzel at the Mandarin Oriental for Tea on Mother's day in Las Vegas, Nevada

Jon and Trina Gunzel

Jon and Trina are experts at helping high achievers and top performers create sustainable and predictable success. Their Stories to Success System trains clients to break through their OWN obstacles so they can unlock their passion, finally live into their full potential and create a MASSIVE IMPACT in the world. If you are interested in learning more about creating lasting success in your own life, business or relationship, please reach out and request a free strategy session today!

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